I have a student, Hailey, that has been a struggle from day one. She frustrates me in a way that most other kids do not. I think I also internally struggle with her because I want to not like her because she is popular and a mean girl/queen bee for all the wrong reasons. I don’t think there was anyone last year that made me feel as disrespected as she has in these last four months.

Yesterday, Hailey showed up in my classroom after school. I had some snacks out for the students in my club and she asked for some. I said yes, and I half-jokingly said to her, “See, I can be nice, too, Hailey.” She said, “I know.” Then she paused and added, “Yeah, I am really rude to you. I am pretty disrespectful.” I didn’t know what to say afterwards. Do I feel more frustrated? Do I feel relief? Is this a breakthrough or just an another way she is asserting herself inappropriately over my authority?

Then I asked her, “Are you a morning person?” She said, “No, I am NOT.” And in reply, I told her that I wasn’t either and that maybe we were just catching each other at bad times. I told her, “We just need to figure out a way to make this work.” She said, “Yeah, I guess.”

It sucks not being a morning person sometimes.

Since I came here alone this year, I don’t really have a set agenda or task to do, so I’ve had a lot of down time. It’s been refreshing and rejuvenating to have time to think, pray, read and spend time with people. I’m staying at one of the girls dorms called Cana. It’s called Cana in reference to the story of the miracle that Jesus performed at the wedding at Cana. There are about 10 girls that live there and it has been an incredible blessing and encouragement to stay there with them. It’s also a lot of fun – kind of like a big slumber party every night. And they take good care of me. I actually got sick one night (I’m fine now), and they all made me porridge and kept asking me to get up and eat. Then, the next morning, they made me porridge again and kept asking me to eat. Contrary to what I expected, the girls at Cana are truly a sisterhood and they have strong relationships with one another and take care of each other. On Sundays, Cana is a house church and one of the unique things about Cana is that women who were formerly in prostitution or trafficking come to worship with the girls at Cana. They are part of an organization called Daughters that helps these women and provides aftercare. The girls show great love and compassion for these women, and I am humbled to see them serve them this way.

In the mornings, I get up and ride the bike that the girls loaned me and ride over to the main Crossroads building which is about five minutes away. I usually have devotions on the roof of the building, which is the coolest because there’s a nice breeze, and then hang out there. This is where the Oois live and I’ve been helping Moonjung with homeschooling Joey and Rohaam while I’m there. It’s actually been a surprising blessing to be able to help Moonjung with this and the kids have such a great time (not to mention, they’re super smart and sweet). I’m glad that I can use my profession to bless their family in this way. Throughout the week, we have worship in the evenings and even though I only understand bits and pieces of words in Khmer, I’m always blessed to sit in worship with the students. They don’t sing well or in tune according to our standards, but they make up tenfold for it in passion. In Ephesians 5, it says to “speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs” and to “sing and make music in your heart to the Lord”. It is so true here, and when they sing those words, they mean them.

I also had an opportunity to visit the pepper farm that is part of the ministry. It is a beautiful place, and it was an encouragement and blessing to see the Kuy people working there and be ministered to. David and a few students went to the Kuy village last week and about 13 people were baptized at that time. SO EXCITING. It is a difficult journey to get there and stay there, but what joy it brings to know that people are coming to know the Lord!

I’ve also seen how students that I have met in past years are now leaders of the ministry and have gone on to get married and have families. But there are also some students who are struggling now that they are on their own and I feel a burden in my heart for them as I understand and identify the challenges of being out on your own, having your own money to spend, and being out in the working world. Remember how that feels – the post-college life?

Sigh. There are so many stories to share, but I don’t want to write a 10 page email. I will update again sometime soon, but please continue to pray for the ministry here and what is happening in Cambodia. The Spirit is moving and hearts are turning to the Lord each day…thanks for your prayers and support. Miss you all.

we groggily walked into the house of one of the missionary families, plopped down onto a couch, tried to warm ourselves from the chilly morning, and waited to pray, albeit a little begrudgingly. we went around and shared, and there were a couple of other short-termers, a pair of student nurses from the u.k., who shared about their work at the hospitals. we had only briefly met them previously. and then we began to pray…and a couple of the missionaries and the one of the nurses  prayed for our team and what we were doing with the kids at the orphanage. and i remember being moved to tears. because in those prayers came strength, courage and perseverance. one of the nurses from the u.k. prayed for us, and she barely knew us or even what we were doing, and i remember feeling incredibly blessed. our team opened our eyes from those prayers, and looked at one another to see that we had all been moved to tears. it was when those prayers were literally like food to us.

and with those prayers, we were given faith…faith that what we were doing was worth it, that we could make it through the struggles of working with these kids, that God would use what we did for his purposes.

it makes me long for those types of prayers. it makes me long for prayers that will move mountains, but also the prayers in which God will whisper that he is there and that he will surely carry you through whatever situation you are in.

tonight, i’m hungry for those prayers.

on my much needed “mental health day” on friday, i went to go see “the king’s speech” on my own. i like to go see a movie by myself every now and then. there’s something oddly liberating about feeling comfortable enough inside your skin to see a movie alone. anyway…while i knew of all the acclaim it received in recent weeks, including winning the best picture award at the oscars, i always take movie reviews with a grain of salt. (exhibit a: i saw “black swan” and disliked it, despite all the praise it received. actually, it straight up made me feel like a crazy person.)

in short, it was a phenomenal movie. two hours had passed and i barely felt like it had been an hour. i actually wished that the movie was longer. and i was conscious of the how great the movie was even as i was watching it. and i remember thinking to myself, “i get why this movie had such widespread praise.” and then i took one step further away from the movie, and i started to wonder why people like to learn about how people who are kings and rulers and in positions of power also often have secret weaknesses and crippling challenges – the proverbial achilles heel. it’s as if people want to know that despite having power and authority, they are human just like the rest of us. that no amount of money or power can change the fact that we are flawed human beings.

and then i thought about how amazing it is that our God knows and understands just that feeling – that he was fully man and fully God. and it made me think about how it must just be a part of our human nature to desire that level of vulnerability and intimacy –  where you can lay out your weaknesses and shortcomings…we always want leaders who “understand the plight of the common man”. and we all know how things turn out when a mortal man tries to create a society in which everyone is equal and everything is equally shared.

while we all should strive to be humbler people, people who are more loving and considerate of one another, we all know that we place harsher judgment upon those who are in positions of power and authority or who possess more resources than the rest of us. and we all know that we desire to see a quality in them that shows that while they are abnormally privileged in one way or another, they still remember those who are not. which again leads me to all the more be in awe of a man who left heaven and power over all the universe to save and love us…

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:5-8)

or maybe even in saying this, i’m limiting what it means to be an artist?

*photo: simeon k.